B Is for Beer by Tom Robbins

After previewing the first chapter two years ago in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Tom Robbins follows up his 2005 anthology “Wild Ducks Flying Backward” with the release of B Is for Beer. It is billed as both “A Children’s Book for Grown-ups” and “A Grown-up Book for Children,” but it is directed at children, and their grandfathers presumed to be reading it to them. Robbins helps unravel the mysteries of the ubiquitous beverage that likely raises questions in a young mind like the ones that open the book:

Have you ever wondered why your daddy likes beer so much? Have you wondered, before you fall asleep at night, why he sometimes acts kind of "funny" after he's been drinking beer? Maybe you've even wondered where beer comes from, because you're pretty sure it isn't from a cow.

Kindergartner Gracie Perkel is the main character, and Robbins foreshadows trouble on the horizon as her father misses her birthday on a business trip to Tuscon. She knew it was a business trip, “because otherwise why would he have taken his secretary along?”

More disappointments present themselves, such as her zany Uncle Moe blowing off their trip to the Red Hook Brewery because that afternoon he runs off to live in Costa Rica with his podiatrist. Left alone in the house while her mother talked to a neighbor over the backyard fence, Gracie decides to drown her sorrow in a can of beer. Though Robbins warns kids not to try this at home and Gracie barfing on her Hello Kitty rug certainly isn’t pleasant, he did make drinking appealing because Gracie is visited by the Beer Fairy, who takes her on adventures through The Seam.

B Is for Beer is amusing with its strength being Robbins’ wit and use of language. The characters that are intended to be enjoyable are, and I particularly liked his turn of phrase about humans being “free-flowing meat waves of possibility.” However, this may only be of interest to beer drinkers as a good portion of it features the Beer Fairy explaining different aspects, from its creation to its influence, including the negatives such as alcoholism. The book also has dark moments, which may be too much for young child reading as the story deals with divorce and two drunk men with ill intentions chasing after a maiden. If you would let a child taste beer under your supervision, then they could handle the book.

Partisan Pong

Not since the writings of Hunter S. Thompson have politics and alcohol consumption blended so well together. The Department of Inebriation offers Partisan Pong, a variation on the drinking game Beer Pong. They tapped into the American zeitgeist and created a version that reflects the 2008 Presidential Election. The set features two sets of 10 cups, red for Team McCain and blue for Team Obama with both candidates’ faces adorning the cups, and two colored balls for each team.

There are some basic concepts of Beer Pong aside from getting drunk. X number of cups are arranged on each end of the table in the same manner, and the object of the game is to throw your ball into one of the other team’s cups, which they then have to drink and remove from the playfield. Once a team is out of cups, they lose and have to finish the remaining cups.

Partisan Pong comes with a postcard that offers rules, but the beauty of Beer Pong is that there is no limit other than your imagination to the possible variations that can be played, which very likely should be determined beforehand because when drunk people argue they rarely settle matters quickly. Unless you are in a hurry to get drunk, it’s best to fill the cups up about 1/4 or a 1/3 of the way and to use a pale lager or light beer.

Since the Washington D.C. football team’s final home game failed to predict the 2004 election outcome after having gotten the previous 17 correct, I decided to put Partisan Pong’s prognostication abilities to the test. I invited over Fantasma el Rey and Ladron de Tebeos to join the Senora and myself as we battled it out through a 30-pack of Natural Light. We played three games and alternated partners with Senora Bicho, who has donated money and volunteered her time to his campaign, always playing on Team Obama. No matter the configuration and without any support for his candidacy, Team McCain went 3-0. The results made Fantasma sick, literally, and then he proceed to nap in the bathroom for a few hours. On November 4th, the pattern of the game’s soothsaying abilities will start to form.

If you like getting drunk and want a memento from the 2008 Presidential Election that’s way cooler than a button or a bumper sticker, Partisan Pong is for you. The set is $10.99 + Shipping and can be bought through the DOI website.